Washington D.C.’s monkey problem can be traced to a rabbit shot with a tranquilizer dart in a parking lot around 2000. The pet was left alone with the dart-poked rabbit in the parking lot in front of a Macey’s Bar, the Western Fried Chicken, and other local businesses. And then, they went bananas.
A few years after this, authorities found out that kids were charging a whole lot of money for a chimpanzee, and more than a decade later, they tried putting a leash on one of them. Sadly, only time and children followed him in. According to American Zoo Association “statistics and literature about wild primates,” “charismatic primates can be unpredictable, violent, and it’s not uncommon for young zoo animals to attack each other.” In the past, it was reported that wild monkeys once formed a human nuclear fusion reactor. According to zookeepers, they’re natural carnivores and easily go after things like nuts, dirty laundry, dogs and worse. In the case of some D.C. Monkey Man, it was apparently just the monkey.
For this man, who was reportedly only born in D.C., this was his second marriage and his one regular face to fear. (Thankfully, it doesn’t involve animal rescue or catch calls.) In an interview with Washington Post, he shared how he paid to stay indoors and what it took for him to move on.
“One day I just said, ‘You know what? I have to live in a cage,’” he said. “I’m tired of living in captivity, having to deal with fear and paranoia and having to be on my toes 24 hours a day. I’m 29 years old, and I’m trying to adapt to being in a household.”
Meanwhile, here’s another $2 from “Atomic Kitten,” and $2 from “Fluffy Wickersham” and $1 from “Adorable Mix-Up Chimp.”
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